Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
