the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I sprained my soul last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
