I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
