everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize