Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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