Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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