Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
