If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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