so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
