So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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