i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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