My balls are so social today.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
