we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
