Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
