My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
