I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
