People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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