is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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