omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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