With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
