me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Who died my cat blue again?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
