mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
