so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
