I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
