okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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