Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Houston, we have a blender
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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