i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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