I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
