and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
