her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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