Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
