So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
