sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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