I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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