It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
