I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
