whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
