Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
