I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize