i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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