the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
