please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
