I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
