Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
