Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
