I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
