im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
