What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
