I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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