She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize