threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
