i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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