I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just googled if crying burns calories
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
