He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
