just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
