I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
