So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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