Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize