I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
