dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
