so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
