I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
