I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
