i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
