Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
