I smell stomach acid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
